Thursday, August 27, 2015

Ready?

I know that it has been a while since my last post.  As June drew to a close, I started to think about actually getting ready for the baby.  I wanted to get my house clean, freeze some meals, prepare my daughter for being a big sister and get things ready for the baby.  Since my mom was two weeks overdue with three of her children and my daughter was two weeks overdue, I assumed this pregnancy would follow suit - so I would have plenty of time to get ready.



I started by knitting little newborn hats for a baby boy or girl.  Now, I had been telling my daughter that she was going to be a big sister and that her baby sister was growing in mama's tummy.  While my belly got lots of kisses from my sweet toddler, I'm glad she didn't fully understand the term "baby sister," because she ended up with a baby brother who came five days early!


So was I really ready?  Not at all.  I didn't even think I was in labor when it first started.  I ended up taking my daughter to the zoo that afternoon.  She wanted to be carried, so when I had to put her down for each of my contractions - and that started happening more and more frequently - I knew I should start thinking about getting to the hospital, and soon!

I know some people like to hear birth stories, while others could go without them.  So here's a quick little rundown.  I planned on having a natural birth like I did with my daughter.  We got to the hospital and I was a 6 and within minutes was an 8.  I thought, Yes!  A few more minutes and I will be pushing.  Four hours later I was still at an 8, and was told I would need pitocin.  I cried for an epidural.  Suddenly baby's vitals dropped and they yelled for an emergency cesarean!  I met the surgeon and they started prepping me for surgery.  I heard cheers and was told to give them five more good contractions - they wanted me to get to a 10.  What the @#$%, I thought, why do I need to dilate to a 10 before having an emergency c-section?  I had missed the fact that giving me some extra amniotic fluid had caused the baby's vitals to return to normal.  The five more contractions they wanted were the time it would take to prep the epidural.  On that fifth contraction I yelled that I was pushing and the baby was coming.  They had me turn over for the epidural, but then the midwife announced that the baby's head was crowning.  One more good push and my darling son was in my arms - no medical intervention needed.

This is my "Oh my goodness, I actually had a natural birth" smile.
 With all of that, the part I was the least ready for was nursing.  I knew I was going to have trouble with nursing because of a condition that I have, but I still wasn't fully able to prepare myself for the mental struggle.  Because I'm not able to make enough milk to feed my baby I feel like less of a woman and inadequate as a mom.  I know these are lies that I should not give into, but I'm just being honest when I share that this is my struggle.  However, I'm giving it my all and savoring each moment with my two beautiful children.  Sewing is definitely not going to happen for a while, and I'm totally okay with that.


Annabelle